Planting The Future For Meat

In Satire by Rose MonroeLeave a Comment

Plants are trying to overrun our society, they grow like weeds over all the good things in life. Like meat. We have all seen the plant based meat substitutes, the fake meat that tastes just like meat, but yet it isn’t, and all the carnivores out there know, they taste it and just know… Something isn’t right.

The fake meat was created for those vegetarians and vegans out there who desire the taste of meat, yet don’t want to eat real meat, so they created a fake meat. Sounds a little odd doesn’t it? Well this fake meat has tricked many a good carnivore, they go out, searching for a good juicy burger, and as soon as they bite in they find it tastes a little off. On further inspection they see that it is plant based, not at all meat, yet it bleeds. A fake meat that bleeds, the vegans have taken it too far!

To combat this, I propose a new type of plant, one that will appease the carnivores where simply the thought of plants revolt them and make their taste buds riot. A meat based plant substitute. It is green like plants, crunchy like plants, yet it isn’t the leafy greens we all know and hate. Maybe, just like the fake meat, this fake plant will have something just not quite right, something not quite earthy enough about it. In fact, that might make it taste better, it won’t taste like dirt.

According to Madison Stinson, a Deer Park High School sophomore, “The plant substitute would be really inventive, but I don’t think it’s needed. Because plants are healthy, and animals have lives,” the self-proclaimed animals rights activist said.

Stinson then went on to say that many carnivores would probably devour the idea, saying things like “Yes finally, meat,” Stinson said.

While yes, the meat based plant substitute would require animal sacrifice, it would be well worth the endeavor in science and for the advancement of carnivore kind. Also, by vegans eating plants, they are killing the life source for our food, our foods food is being taken up extremely fast and this option would be the best solution to combat this injustice.

“I think it [would] be cool, but I don’t think I would eat or use it every day,” Hailey White, a sophomore said. On the contrary Hailey, I think that if the plant substitute were to be developed, it would and should be used every day. It’s up to us to get to the root of our problem.

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